English people also have problems with MS Windows and laugh at them! Surprising, isn’t it? Here’s one in good, old, english style;) Enjoy!
Transcript of Support Request RN302896:WINDOWS SUPPORT:
Thank you for calling Microsoft Windows for Warships Support Line. Where do you want to blow up today?
COMMANDERThis is Commander Nelson of HMS Excel. We appear to be under attack and our computer keeps freezing.
WINDOWS SUPPORTI see. Are you sitting in front of your computer now?
COMMANDERYes. Also, our Combat Management System is telling us we need different drivers to fire our missiles.
WINDOWS SUPPORTOK. Can you click the Start Menu?
COMMANDERStart menu, yes…
WINDOWS SUPPORTAnd select My Battleship…
COMMANDERIt’s asking for my Hotmail password.
WINDOWS SUPPORTOK Put that in. Now, open the program Microsoft Assured Destruction and right click on Defence Properties.
COMMANDERAha. I’m there.
WINDOWS SUPPORTSelect “We’re all going to die”.
COMMANDERWhat?
WINDOWS SUPPORTDon’t worry. That’s a bit we haven’t implemented yet…
COMMANDEROh for Christ’s sake. Right. It’s come up with a what-do-you-call-it, a dialog box, on screen.
WINDOWS SUPPORTWhat does it say?
COMMANDERIt says “You are not authorised to access this area. Do you not wish to uncontinue?” There are five buttons – two of them say “OK”, one says “Cancel”, one says “NoNotYesNo” and the last one says “Copy missile to target.”
WINDOWS SUPPORTRight. Hold down the alt key as you click the last button. That will bring up a new email window, attach the missile to that and click send. Empty the Bilge, optimise the anchor and choose Format Guns from the Tools menu. Then restart the ship.
COMMANDERWe can’t do that – every time we start up the thing, it fires all its guns in turn and a string of flags comes out that reads “Microsoft expects every man to Control-Alt-Delete for his Operating System”.
WINDOWS SUPPORTAh. So you haven’t installed Service Pack 7 then?
COMMANDERService pack 7? Service Pack 7?? This is a Royal Navy Warship on active duty, not some bloody PowerPoint presentation.
WINDOWS SUPPORTWell, you’ll have to download it later. It should only take a few minutes. Have you got broadband?
COMMANDERListen. This is Her Majesty’s Navy. Of course we don’t have broadband. So I’ll have to ring off now, if I want to launch the missiles.
WINDOWS SUPPORTThank you for ringing Windows for Warships Support.
COMMANDERYes, yes: shut up you bloody hippy.
Now, where was I? Oh Lord. We’ve crash……
LINE GOES DEADClick to see the original text.
© by
Ian Vince We recommend you his site:
www.socialscrutiny.orgpolish version
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